I don’t understand the past year. I don’t understand what the energy of the universe is trying to tell me. I have stopped and I am listening but maybe not enough. There is a message for me but it’s not clear, yet. I am surrendering myself to what I believe is a message saying do not attend school (atleast for now), stop the search for a job in NYC, forget your career aspirations (atleast for now). I will not return to school. I am not searching for new employment. I forgot about the career.
Just when I thought the clouds were clearing and I was making progress post foot surgery I am suffering another big blow – my other foot has a possible fracture to the sesamoid. I am awaiting a bone scan next week to diagnos this. In the meantime, it hurts but not terrible. I am wearing a surgical shoe per the doctor’s orders. What lies ahead is to be seen. To be honest, probably the same scenario lies ahead for me. In order to correct the problem the doctor will need to operate and remove the entire sesamoid. I’m doing well post the surgery that was done to my left foot in September. I feel so much better. I know I’m in good hands with my doctor and once he addresses the current issue he will put me on a solid path to recovery and rebuilding my life and future.
It’s time to change course completely. The details of the new course will play out as they are meant to play. It will be a mystery and will only reveal itself piece by piece each day I take a step toward it. The few thoughts I do have will be kept to myself. The foot problem is the first and foremost issue to be addressed. The rest will take care of itself and I will be guided to where I am meant to be.
Until then, I hold hope and faith inside me.
My star will shine.
Its What I Said 
thanks for stopping by. do you ever think: seriously, what did i do so wrong to deserve all of this? i do and often. i’m ashamed to admit that. i sometimes even trace back the past to figure out who i have hurt to make it right so that things will turn around for me. then, in moments of clarity i laugh at the silliness. what’s done is done. (and sometimes i wish my son had never met his father. i genuinely mean that)
.. what i’m feeling lately.. is how i feel like i’ve been left behind. ya know? when did i wake up from my single pregnancy as people finished college.. and look around to everyone else procreating with rings on their fingers and supportive partners? where is my partner? .. and darn it. my eggs are dying as we speak. i want another baby one day.
(ok, off of soap box. sometimes i get overwhelmed and no one understands .. until people like you who leave me a comment.. and then you get to “hear” all about the ridiculousness)
..but really.
i hope they figure out your path to 100%. i had some health problems of my own to overcome. thankfully, i *think* i have. hang in there. and all of that stuff people tell you to feel better.
I understand. All we can do is keep hanging in there b/c all the ridiculousness will work itself out – eventually.
Don’t feel left behind. I know it can feel like that but you weren’t left behind. Just dealt a complicated hand of cards to play.
Same for me.
Surrendering when the “winds of fate” are howling is both one of the scariest and (incredibly) most peaceful things one can do. Been there, know the feeling. Your star is already shining brightly.
Thanks Rich! I appreciate your comment.