The pain is the labrum torn again. It’s the same pain as before. I can’t bear the weight on that hip. I suffer. It’s awful.

I have 33 days until surgery. It seems like a lifetime away. I’m crossing days off the calendar. That’s not like me. But I’m crossing days, counting days, until my surgery.

My weight is up because I can’t move and can’t exercise. Oh, I’ve tried. This labrum defeats me. It’s the left side. It’s been this side since December 27th. All was ok and looking good following arthroscopy on this hip until that fateful day. The right is in play now too. I’m stuck in between that rock and the hard place. I must protect the right hip because it needs to make it through the next 33 days, plus 12 weeks following surgery before it can be fixed.

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I’m scared!

I’m suffering fear. Most likely post traumatic stress syndrome because of what I’ve been through particularly with the left hip.

I just want everything to be ok, pain free and able to walk again.

I don’t know why I was put in this position to suffer. Why was I meant to endure my setback and suffering? I believe there is a purpose, maybe, to further my compassion for others and my empathy of others circumstances. Probable – based on my beliefs, outlook and approach to life.

Maybe there’s no reason. Maybe I just got messed up some how, some way and it’s played out this way (not by my hands).

Or, maybe it’s karma.

Karma for something I did in my past or present life?

Either way.

This or that.

It sucks!

I’m over suffering. I’m over pain. I’m over not being able to walk. I’m over not being able to participate in physical things and in life when I’m so capable but have been forced to sit on the side line and watch.

Watch the Game of life happen

Opportunities pass me by

Slide down the mountain I was climbing. The level I made it to.

But!

Is it all for something?

Is there a message that’s not clear to me yet?

Most likely.

I’ll be brought to the other side of this.

Eventually.

Soon.

Just a matter of time.

I’ll be brought out the other side where the rainbow touches down and the pot of gold lies.

And there in will be my purpose.

Clear.

I’ll know why I’ve gone through this and I’ll be alive, well, mobile and myself again. But on a higher level.

A level up in my life, experience and purpose.

Closer to the purpose of why I am here.

And I know all will be ok.

Like a rainbow.