A few weeks ago my son asked me if I was lonely. This is coming from my 13 year old son one late evening while he was watching Family Guy and I was tapping away on our laptop. Am I lonely? No. I am not lonely. I do not want to be alone but lonely I am not. I do hope to meet someone wonderful, smart, charming, interesting and interested in becoming my son’s friend one day. I want to sleep next to someone and cuddle. I want to be able to hold on to this person, feeling safe and be provided with support. I not only want my needs and wants met but will return the same. I would like to take care of this person. I’m a very affectionate, loving, and passionate woman. I love to bake and cook! One thing that makes me happy is creating a fabulous meal and serving it to people who appreciate the art of what was created and the taste of fine food.
Last night my son asked me “how do I feel about being alone all these years?” I’m fine. It’s been rough. I have spent many nights since my son was born crying. I tried and hoped to have met someone when my son was young but it never worked out. I’ve had plenty of boyfriends and I even had a second husband but none of them were the right fit or cared enough about my son. I’m strong now due to all my experiences. I have no regrets about any of my relationships including the first husband who gave me my most precious gift, my son. Yes, he let us down and didn’t uphold his end of the wedding vows but I have my son. Nicholas asked me “will I ever marry again?” I don’t know. I’m sure I will eventually meet someone that will work out but I am in no rush to marry. I’m not sure that I will do it again. Only time will tell if this is meant to happen in my life. Nicholas asked me “when was the first time I asked you if I had a dad?” That was in second grade. I have only given Nicholas age appropriate details always. At this point, he knows pretty much everything. I have always been open and honest with him and this is what he requests.
Nicholas and I had a nice conversation to answer his questions. These days his questions are focused on how his mom is feeling and doing and not about himself. I’ve done a great job raising him and being a positive influence in his life. This is why he is a good, balanced kid. He has no issues and is well-rounded. I’ve always had compliments on what a sweet kid he is. Thank you! Honestly, raising a child is like creating art; you don’t know how it’s going to turn out. You continue to mold, shape prod and push and sculpt your art into a masterpiece.
I am not lonely but do want to meet my best friend. A friend and love for me and a friend and mentor for my son.
Its What I Said 