My son left to go back upstate. He starts school tomorrow. He lives with my parents since August 2009. I moved him up there because it was a better living arrangement for him. That’s not the only reason. Before I made that decision I was dating an old friend who sold me a package he couldn’t materialize. I thought I had finally struck gold and was going to get a home and a family for my son. I moved Nicholas up there so I could pay off debt and save a little before making this big move. When the wall came crashing down on this too good to be true dream I decided to still let my son live with his grandparents. It’s not that I don’t want him with me; I do! It’s just a better place for him. It’s a beautiful home on 2 1/4 acres of land. He has his own room; a big room. He has all the privacy he wants, good food, a 32-inch flat screen TV in his room with cable and DVD, Xbox (live), lots of toys, and lots of room and freedom to do whatever he pleases. Yes, the one thing missing is his mama and it breaks my heart.
Before moving him there he lived with me in our Aunt’s house; not so glamorous. I still reside with my Aunt and it’s still not glamorous. I see my son every weekend. He is my main priority. I spend every holiday and vacation with him and he comes down to the city for visits. Being without my son full-time made me realize I should go to school. If I’m ever going to make it on my own which I have been trying for years then I need to get an education. I have a lot of free time on my hands since I don’t have my son to come home to each night and I don’t believe in wasting time. I am desperately trying to get through my education, network, and learn everything I can to get a better job quickly. Once I can work for a company with opportunity I will be able to stand on my feet and build a home for myself and my son. My heart will heal and I will find peace once I can truly provide for us and our dreams.
I can’t help crying when I say he’s on his way home with his grandpa now. I can’t call him yet because I will be a mess on the phone. I sent him a text message and I’ll talk to him later.
My son, my love, my life.
Its What I Said 